Firefly in Japan

Hey guys,

The last few weeks have probably been the busiest of my entire life. I barely have time to sleep let along update a blog right now. My advice to you is this :

1. Sign up for the Firefly newsletter so I can email you when there is an update.

2. Check out some of the other YourJapan blogs. There are some great ones :

http://saintly.your-japan.com/ (NEW!)

http://pachipro.your-japan.com/ (Always fascinating reading)

http://amanojack.your-japan.com/ (Slightly different subject matter, but still relevant to Japan...!)

Please check these out and be sure to leave a comment saying hello! If you have had any experience with Japan, think about signing up for a blog and telling the world about it.

When I tell people that I used to work at Tokyo Disneyland, everyone turns into a comedian. With the same joke.

"Really? So which one were you? Goofy? HAAAAAAAAA!"

After my gracious smile fades, people are often curious about the details.

Behind the Tokyo Disney and Tokyo Sea parks, there is a big warehouse, with a large office housing a couple of hundred people. This was back in 2001, and I was outsourced there by the company I was working for at the time : SysTech. They sent me out for a 1 week contract to fix a big problem they were having with about 200 of their Windows 98 computers. Hear that? Windows 98. The happiest place on Earth runs the operating system from hell. Anyway, all of their Windows 98 machines suddenly started crashing 2 or 3 times a day, and they were at their wits end.

On Monday morning, I arrived at Maihama, Disney's train station. I walked through the groups of families, school-kids and couples, and found a small, obscure sign under the station. "Office, this way." it said. I followed that direction for a while, and eventually I came across a security station. I walked over to the security station, and nodded to the guard.

"Hello there. I'm here to fix an IT problem, I'm Firefly from SysTech." I said.

The security guard eyed me, and checked his list. "You're not on the list here." he said, flatly.

"Uh, can you call IT please? I have a meeting with IT in 30 minutes." I said.

He got on the phone, and presumably spoke to someone in IT. "Sorry Mr Firefly, Kenichi will come out in a moment to greet you. Please wait in front of the building. He gestured to a building inside the compound. I smiled and walked through the gate, into the Disneyland Office.

I looked around for something that would betray the office as the backend to Disneyland, the worlds most successful themepark franchise. I couldn't find anything - it looked like a standard office, with standard office workers running about. I couldn't help but being irrationally disappointed, like I was expecting Mickey Mouse to be bouncing around the carpark handing out stationary. "Waahahoo! Get to work! Heres a pen!"

Kenichi arrived after a couple of minutes, and tapped me on the shoulder. I introduced myself, and we swapped meishi (name cards).

"I must admit Kenichi-san, I was hoping to see a crazier Disney style office building. It's about as normal as I've seen." I said lightly as I continued to absorb my surroundings.

"Really? We have 15 minutes before this meeting starts. Let me show you something quickly." Kenichi said with a smile.

He walked me over to a smaller warehouse off to the left-hand side of the main office building, and we walked inside the opened shutter door entrance.

"Check this out," Kenichi said.

My eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkened lighting. I blinked twice, and in one foul sweep, years of precious childhood memories were destroyed. After years of bed-time stories, fairy tales and Disney cartoons during my childhood, before my eyes, stood Cinderella, dressed in a Cinderella dress. She was desperately sucking on an already expired cigarette, and slamming a bottle of coke. She had ragged hair, and no makeup on. She looked drained and stressed. I almost went into shock. Despite being a full grown adult, I somehow wasn't ready for the full impact of this scene.

I turned around again trying to erase the image from my mind. We were in a huge costume repository. There were around 3 industrial strength and size coat racks stacked on top of each other, and the coat racks extended deep into the warehouse. People of all sorts of shapes, sizes, genders and ages were coming up and requesting costumes. There were 'little people', presumably a member of the Seven Dwarfs walking off with Dwarf costumes. Acrobats were walking off with latex. The REAL Goofy costumes were hung up off to the side, but no-one was requesting one. Perhaps they had already fulfilled their Goofy quota. I stood for a few moments, mesmerised by the odd exchanges taking place.

I cast my eyes over to the right, and noticed a fully functional convenience story, right next to the costume place. You could buy all manner of food and drinks, exactly the same as a regular convenience store. This whole store seemed to be only for the benefit of the costumed staff members. Fascinating, I thought.

Kenichi pulled me away, and we went to the 9:30 meeting. It ended quickly, and I sat down at one of the crashing Windows 98 machines. I did some troubleshooting, found some possible causes, and began testing. I had a possible solution worked out before lunchtime involving a rare patch only available from Microsoft. Kenichi dropped by the office, and knocked on the door.

"Lets go to lunch!" he said.

"There are restaurants around here?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes and no. Come on," he said. We left together, and exited the main office building. We walked across the car park and came up against a huge wooden door.

"What is that?" I asked, peering up at the door.

"It's a huge, badly hidden secret door. It doesn't actuall open. But this one does!" Kenichi led me off to the right hand side, and we stepped through a tiny door that was hidden in the concrete. Crazy. Within a few minutes, we were walking through the park, looking very conspicuous in our suits. After a few minutes of strolling through the park, we were in the Prince of Arabia themed food courts, ordering expensive, bland Indian curry with nan. I felt mildly ridiculous paying 1,400 yen ($14), but I suddenly realised I was having an office lunch in Tokyo Disney, and immediately felt better about it. You don't get to have your office lunch in Disney very often.

I returned to the office, and resumed work. I installed some test patches, and the problem immediately stopped on one of the test PCs. I tested a few more PCs with the same patch, and once I was satisfied, I put the patch onto a 3.5" floppy disk (remember those?) and walked around to each computer applying the patch.

Now, when you interrupt most people and tell them you need them to get off their computer, so you can install a patch, a lot of people can get a bit irritated. They're busy, and in the middle of doing lots of important stuff. People tend to get a little upset or impatient, even though their PC is going up and down more frequently than a Shinjuku sex worker.

Disney shocked me. It wasn't like this at all. It was like they shot each and every one of these people with a happy gun on the employee initiation day. They were bright, bubbly, cheerful. "Oh dear! I just lost 2 hours of work to another one of those nasty crashes. Oh well, I'll do an even better job this time!" they would chirp. "Oh, you need to get on my computer? Sure! I'm writing an urgent document for the board meeting taking place in 30 minutes, but whatever you're doing is probably more important. Take your time! Would you like a coffee?"

Compared to Financial companies, where people start screaming expletives when they accidentally minimise the email they were typing.

After a few days, all the computers were patched up, and everything was working great. All the office workers were full of warm Disney style gratitude, and I went home feeling great.

I assume they upgraded from Windows 98 after this, by the way.

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A short while later, we gathered at an all you can eat Western food buffet restaurant for my farewell party. Even Shane turned up, and quickly went to the bar to order a beer. The frequent action of raising the bottle and taking a swig gave him something to do, and minutely eased the awkwardness he exuded from every pore of his skin. Bill didn’t even come, saying he was busy. I guessed it would just be too uncomfortable for him to show up after illegally docking my pay 50,000 yen and then failing to pay my small amount of overtime. I didn’t miss him.

We sat down at a table, and started going back and forth to the buffet, scooping up Western food. It was a rare chance to stock up on plentiful, tasty, well cooked Western food, and we all took advantage of it. I registered on some level that this was my farewell party, and everyone else would pay for me. This somehow made the food taste even better, and I wolfed it down.

We all chatted, and laughed, and talked. Shane continued to drink his beer, gulp after gulp. We mostly ignored him, until he tapped his glass with his finger and cleared his throat. We all fell silent and looked to him.

His awkward vibe intensified as everyone’s attention focused on him. His face seemed to take a fuller shade of red as the blood rushed to his head.

“So err….” He began. We waited patiently.

“This is Firefly’s farewall party. It’s a shame he has to go, because he has done a lot of really great stuff for the team, but I’m sure he’s moving onto bigger and better things!” Shane awkwardly quipped to a table full of silent people.

Shane coughed.

“Anyway Firefly, you’ve been a good guy. I wish we could have spent a bit more time with you and training you up, but that’s how things turned out, eh.” Shane attempted a friendly smile, but generated a half scowl instead.

I stared back at him, suppressing a shrug.

“As a token of my uhh, appreciation, here is something I want you to have.” He opened his jacket pocket, took a swig of his beer, and retrieved a long, thin envelope.

I regarded it with disinterested. I looked over at Moeka. Her eyes had lit up, and she was following the path of the envelope as it arced over to my extended hand. Shane pushed it into my hand, and then tapped it twice with his finger.

“That’s just something I wanted you to have. Hope you appreciate it.” Shane’s beer ran out, leaving him with no action or routine to hide his nervousness. He immediately stood up, and walked to the bar.

Once I confirmed his back was turned, I looked at Moeka. She was grinning like crazy. I angled the envelope up, and cracked open the top. The unmistakable woody aroma of 5 crisp 10,000 yen notes hit me. My eyes involuntarily opened wide in shock. I looked at Moeka who was bouncing up and down in her seat with her hands clasped together. Very cute.

“Moeka. How did you do this?” I asked.

“Secret dayo !” She responded half in English, half in Japanese.

“You didn’t do anything weird, did you?” I asked with half a smile on my face.

She clenched her fists in mock anger and irritation. “Never!” She said indignantly, but with the hint of a mischievous smile played across her features.

I grinned, and dropped the matter. I’d ask her later how she managed this minor miracle.

Shane came back with his Corona, sat down and resumed regular swigging. We resumed regular conversation, and were talking and drinking well into the night. Finally bill time came around. Everyone else chipped in, so I didn’t have to pay. Moeka went around to 7 people collecting money. Shane arced an eyebrow, but reached into his wallet and pulled out his share.

“Oh shit, I only have a credit card,” one guy said, holding up his credit card in resignation.

“No problem!” Said Moeka suddenly. She makes a lunge for the card and grabs it. She sticks out her chest and slides the card between her breasts, like shes processing his credit card transaction. She looked up at everyone else and smiled. Everyone stared back in shock, but I started laughing. Goddess.

Everyone walked outside, feeling fat and happy – except for Shane, who felt 53,000 yen lighter. Everyone went their separate directions, but as it turned out, Moeka and I were going home on the same train line. We walked together to the station.

“I have no idea how you managed to do that. Shane is one of the stingiest people I know.”

Moeka said nothing, but smiled coyly as we walked down the stairs into the station.

“What a great night.” I said. “Thanks a lot for everything.”

Moeka shook her head, as if to say ‘it was nothing’.

We got on the train together, and laughed, and chatted and reminisced. I had mixed feelings about leaving Systech. I couldn’t stand Bill and Shane, but I couldn’t stand not seeing Moeka. I felt a knot in my stomach as we hugged goodbye. The hug lasted a split second longer than it should have, and we made eye contact for a moment. The train door alarm started ringing, signifying that the doors were closing. We quickly broke apart. I waved goodbye, and the train left. I walked up the stairs surrounded by 100 people, but I felt alone.

Hey guys

Ever since we had to move domain, we've been getting only 5-10% of the hits we used to get.

I'm concerned that a lot of people who were following the saga and who were subscribed to the old RSS feed don't know the new http://firefly.your-japan.com address.

If you guys could let your friends know about the new URL, or if you have a website if you could put up a small article with the new firefly.your-japan.com link, that'd be super.

I'd hate to think I built up a big audience of readers who were suddenly unable to continue reading because the registry prematurely reset the domain, and they're mising hyphen in the new link!

Thanks for your support guys - more stuff coming soon.

Firefly

I was having lunch with the hot secretary. I guess it’s rude to call her that for a long time (although maybe she doesn’t think so). Her name is Moeka. Moeka was a goddess. Every time I was feeling down or upset, or shitty about “the management”, she would know exactly the right thing to say to make me feel brand new, and ready to battle unlimited tirades of bullshit from Bill and Shane.

She actually had a whole bunch of ridiculous experiences with Bill and Shane that really have to be heard to be believed. I’ve been talking with her about writing these experiences down, and she’s excited about the idea. Look out for these over the coming months.

Anyway, I was telling her in detail about what happened with my 50,000 yen pay cut, and about how I was ripped off for overtime. She sat and listened to the entire story patiently and sympathetically, nodding her head and making appropriate pained expressions.

“I’m really sorry to hear that you’re leaving. We’ve been working together for so long now…” She commented softly, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

I looked back at her, and bit my lip in regret. “I feel the same way. It’s really fun to work with you, and really easy to talk with you,” I said, looking into her eyes.

Her phone rang, and she answered it. She perked up, and said “Hello!” in English, with a big smile, and excused herself from the table. I idly wondered who was on the other end of the line. Boyfriend? It can’t be her husband. I vaguely remember her telling me she was separated. Hmmm, I mused, while watching her talk on the phone from a distance. She was smiling and obviously happy. Shame, I thought. “Whats a shame? Grow a sac and get freaky.” commanded devil Firefly.

Devil Firefly vanished in a puff of smoke as she returned to the table, and we resumed our conversation.

“So on your last paycheck, after working so hard for a year, and after doing all that unpaid overtime, you’re still going to be docked 50,000 yen?” She asked.

I frowned. “Well, I haven’t really thought about it, but I suppose that’s right. That is pretty shitty isn’t it.” I said, suddenly irritated again.

She became thoughtful, as though she was cooking up an idea. “You know… SysTech still doesn’t have a whole bunch of insurance for it’s employees.” She said in hushed tones.

“Oh yeah?” I said, not really interested. I was thinking about what I could have bought with my 50,000 yen.

“No no… they still don’t have insurance that the government requires them to have. They’re operating illegally, right now.” She continued.

My interested spiked. “Illegally…?” I repeated.

“Right. So, say for instance, if someone were to… anonymously call the Government, and mention this fact…. they’d be in pretty bad shape. Very bad, since they’ve been illegal for years.” She said.

“Alright,” I said, not really following her. “So how does this help me?”

“Given the choice, would you rather cause serious problems for the company, or would you rather have 50,000 yen?” She asked me seriously, staring into my eyes.

“That’s an odd choice. Of course, I don’t wish any harm on anyone. I wouldn’t want to cause other SysTech Employees to lose their jobs or something,” I said deliberately.

“So you choose the 50,000 yen?” She said, her eyes sparkling.

I laughed despite myself. “Sure,” I said with a big smile on my face. “I’d choose the 50,000 yen.”

“Alright.” Moeka leaned forward, locked eyes with me, and sipped her drink. “I’ll get it for you.”

I laughed. “Oh you’ll just get me 50,000 yen. And how will you do that?” I asked.

“That’s a secret. But it involves the insurance,” She said slyly.

“The insurance? The one that the government makes it mandatory to have?” I asked.

“Exactly. Of course, you can’t really mention the insurance stuff to Shane or Bill, without it looking like blackmail.” She said.

“Right…” I said neutrally.

“But I could.” She said with a wink.

“No, Moeka, come on you can’t do that. I don’t want anyone else to get involved. Especially not you.” I protested weakly.

She waved her hands dismissively. “Don’t worry about that.”

“What exactly are you going to do?” I asked suspiciously.

“Just. Don’t. Worry.” She grinned mischievously, as she slid her chair out and prepared to leave.

I couldn’t help but grin. Her mischievous conspiratorial manner was infectious. I stood up, and followed her to the cashier.

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I'd been in Japan for 2 days now. I had more-or-less adjusted to my surroundings, although I was still stunned that I had actually made it to Japan. For 2 days, armed with my vocabulary of 10 words that allowed me to start conversations, but desperately unable to continue or finish them, I had awkwardly been exploring the area near my tiny hotel and it's surroundings. I was staying in an area far from any big city, so there were no McDonalds, Starbucks or familiar trappings of Western Civilisation - it was me, and the locals.

Full immersion in remote Tokyo was just fine with me. I came to Japan to experience Japan, I had no desire at all to hang out at Burger King. However, I did need to find a job. This meant submitting my resume to employers around Tokyo. This also meant I needed to be contactable. I realised I had to get a mobile phone. My head was tingling at the challenge of going to a big city and get a mobile phone.

I woke up early on the third day filled with determination and with butterflies in my stomach. My clock read 8:18am. The crickets chirped continuously outside my window. The hot, muggy Tokyo summer oozed in through the window. I stood on my bed and managed to get dressed - no small feat considering my hotel room was only slightly larger than the bed itself. I locked and carefully checked the door, and spun around. I held back a cry of joy. This is the most incredible moment of traveling. Standing outside your hotel room with $200, your hotel key in your pocket, and unlimited possibilities and adventures just waiting to be discovered.

I waved to Gen, the friendly old guy who ran the hotel, he smiled back. I walked out the door, and then paused. I turned around and walked back inside.

"Hey Gen, which way's the station?" I asked.

Gen held up an arm, and pointed. "Go under the bridge. Then over a bridge. Then turn right."

"Thanks Gen!" I walked about 50 meters, and became lost. I exercised my terrible Japanese, and harassed various pedestrians.

"Sumimasen, eki ha doko desu ka?" (Excuse me, where is the station?)

Finally I arrived at the station. I walked up to the ticket gate, and asked the train guy for advice.

"Sumimasen... um.... I'm looking for a big city, pretty close to here. Where should I go?" I asked him.

"Ettooo..... Wheshoudaigo?" He repeated with a confused look on his face.

I realised I had been speaking too quickly. I slowed right down.

"Big city. Close to here. BIGGGGGGG CITY!" I gestured by opening up my arms. "Close to here." I pointed to the ground.

He looked at me with dim understanding. "We know?"

"What? You know?" I repeated, confused.

"We know. Big City." He said in slow heavily accented English.

"Great, so can you tell me, "big city", please?" I asked politely.

"We know." He looked at me again.

"I don't understand."

He gave me a look filled with patience. He brought out a map from under his desk, and pointed to a city. It said "Ueno."

"Ohhh Ueno! I get it. Ok thank you. Which platform?"

"Platform Number 1." He said.

I thanked him, and went up to platform 1. I got onto the train, and cruised into Ueno.

Ueno is an old industrial city, filled with old buildings, old shops and odd smells. Not the classiest area of Tokyo, but an interesting place to spend some time or do some shopping.

I spilled out of the train, and took the first exit. I was surrounded by carts, stalls and old Japanese men selling all manner of fake goods and general crap. I waded through, and finally found a mobile phone shop. Excellent.

I walked inside, and the 3 Japanese people working in the shop saw me, and froze. I caught a glimpse of their faces, and I saw pure terror in their eyes. I spun around, expecting to see Godzilla towering over the mobile phone shop, but there was nothing there. I turned back, and they had composed themselves a little bit. Odd, I thought.

I began browsing around the shop, looking at all the different mobile phones, which were lightyears ahead of any Australian offering. I occasionally looked over at the 3 Japanese who had withdrawn to a corner of the shop. I wondered if someone was going to come over to help me out. I looked down again at the phones on the shelves. One phone in particular caught my eye. I picked it up, and examined it closely. It had a large, clear, colour screen, and it was a flip-open design. I flipped it open a few times. It felt good in my hands. I smiled. This is my phone. This is the phone I will use to get a job. My future employer will call me on this very phone.

Excited, I waved at the 3 Japanese. They looked back at me, with an odd mixture of horror and confusion, as if I had just sprouted a leg from my head and started jumping up and down screaming. Unsure of correct protocol, I waved again, and pointed at my phone. All three Japanese suddenly had begun some kind of discussion. It went for about 15 seconds while I stood there with my shiny new phone. Finally I cleared my throat. I wanted to buy this phone and start looking for work, lets get this show on the road.

One Japanese detached from the group, and walked over to me. He was a young guy, maybe 22 years old. He was thin and pretty tall, and he exuded awkwardness and worry.

I tried to re-assure him. "Maybe they thought I was holding up the shop?" I thought, which brought a smile to my face.

"It's ok! I just want to buy this phone." I smiled as re-assuringly as I could manage.

"Buy?" He repeated.

"Yes. I like this phone a lot. This phone, please." I said still smiling, as I offered him the phone for his confirmation.

He cautiously took the phone, and then looked at me. I was aware the other 2 Japanese were silent and focused on our interaction as well.

"Umm..... Why do you needo mobairu phone?" He asked, finally.

"Um, sorry? Why do I need a mobile phone? Are you kidding? I don't get it?" I laughed as good-naturedly as possible.

"Hmm.. I don't think you needo mobairu phone." He said with authority.

"What? Of course, I need this mobile phone." I said with some conviction. What the hell was this?

"No... what would you use mobairu phone?" He said in halting English.

"What do you mean? What would I use it for?? For calling. For receiving calls. Look mate, this is capitalism. You have phone. I have money. Now we swap. Here is my money." I withdrew $100 from my wallet, and showed him. He stepped back as though recoiling from my money.

"I don't think you need mobairu phone. You musto pay money ebery month. Expensive," He added, as though these were convincing arguments.

"Listen," I said, starting to get a bit frustrated. "I need this mobile phone. Here is my money. What do I need to sign? What do I need to do?"

"Sorry... I think it's difficult." He said, looking genuinely sorry.

"Whats difficult? This is simple. Phone. Money. DONE!" I said, emphasising the word "done".

"Very sorry. It's very difficult." He repeated.

I realised I wasn't getting anywhere. This was ridiculous.

"Are you going to sell me the phone, or not?" I made one final attempt to claim my favourite phone.

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled nervously. "I am very sorry." He repeated.

Flushed red with frustration, I turned on my heel, and walked out of the shop. I picked a direction and began walking to try to find a more accommodating mobile phone shop.

I would later realise that the paperwork and requirements for a foreigner to get on a mobile phone contract is much greater and more complicated than a regular Japanese person. They would need to have explained all of it in English, which would have been very difficult for them. So, these Japanese had a problem. One English speaking foreigner in their shop who was focused on buying a mobile. They had to get rid of me as quickly and as nicely as possible, so they had a meeting, found the reluctant hero who spoke the most English, and sent him over to discourage me from purchasing a phone. A few minutes later I left the shop in frustration, after realising they weren't going to sell me the phone.

I would later find out that Japanese people solve almost all of their problems through this style of non-confrontation. Thus, a complicated problem was avoided in the most elegant and confrontation-free manner - the Japanese way.

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