Politeness in Japan - Ladies first?!
Well, it's the 8th of November, which means that Starbucks (and every other kind of shop) begin playing cheesy Christmas Carols on loop. These drive me absolutely crazy, and I'm actually looking forward to the return of the regular shitty muzak.
I want to talk about something interesting in Japan - the concept and idea of politeness. More importantly, how the concept of politeness overseas integrates into Japanese culture.
Last night, I was in Shibuya station. I was heading home, and I was in a bit of a rush. All of a sudden, a small opening appeared in the crowd. I immediately starting walking towards it. At the same time, I spotted a woman directly to my left who was equally the same distance from the opening. We both looked at each other, and I immediately shot for the opening, and dissappeared into the crowd.
After this event, when I was on the train, I realised that by Western standards, I was very rude. However by Japanese standards, it was a completely natural thing to do. The concept of "women first", does not exist in Japan. In fact, I realised that the lady from the crowd would have allowed me to take the opening, and if I waited for her to take it, she probably wouldn't have. So my actions were actually culturally appropriate, and more time efficient.
If however, I did the same thing in Australia or America, I would surprise the woman, and at the very least, receive distasteful looks from the people around me.
In other situations in Japan, when I instinctively gesture for a woman to go first, I receive a confused look, and after she confirms that I am offering her the chance to go first, she generally proceeds cautiously and awkwardly.
This is a rare cultural gap, at least from a foreign perspective, where a foreign custom would actually be more polite than a Japanese custom.
I would have let her through you heartless bastard! I know what you mean by the cultural differences but I still act like gentleman (except in Roppongi) most of the time. Except on the priority seats on the train. There I close my eyes and sleep in true Japanese style.
Posted by Eroi Sensei — 08 Nov 2006, 14:04
Yeah, but thats the point. What if acting like a gentlemen in Japan has a totally different meaning? What if you're offending her by offering her a seat?
I remember a friend who came to Japan, and offered a middle-aged woman on the train a seat. It's a very gentlemanly thing to do. However, she got majorly pissed off. "Do I look old? Do I look disabled? Why do you want to give me a seat? I don't need your charity."
After a 10 minute explanation she finally calmed down - interesting cultural insight none-the-less.
Posted by firefly — 08 Nov 2006, 14:17
maybe you should keep your own culture in here cause if you don t you ll be LOST... if you get used to the japanese way you ll have a lot of trouble to adapt again in your homeland :) anyway i find it really rude when i see a couple in the train here and the man is sitting down while the woman is standing up and they re talking about love and stuff ...stand up you bastard and let your girlfriend have a seat ..
Posted by faical — 10 Nov 2006, 11:08
I think so too. Foreign custom be more polite than a Japanese custom. When I taking a train at morning or night rash time, people are pushing and hitting,stareling each othe. And people get light angly but It is not so big deal. It's happened everyday.
But i think still feel really nice if someone offer"You go first!" Actually Japanese people are not so use to "lady First" thing, so they will be more appriceate and be happy.
Posted by littlemermaid — 10 Nov 2006, 13:48
I can relate to what you are saying firefly as I have had more than my share of similar experiences while in Japan. Soon I got used to not offering a lady my seat on the train or bus unless they were elderly or were holding a baby. In those cases the women were glad I did so.
I believe that elderly women KNOW that a gaijin will offer them a seat as I had experienced more than one time elderly ladies who made it a point to stand in front of me or another foreigner as they KNEW they would be offered a seat. Sometimes I was tired and just wanted to sleep, but I gave them my seat anyway. Also, the old buggers will knock you down when scrambling for a seat when the doors open. They can move when they want to. Good post and observation.
Posted by Pachipro — 06 Dec 2006, 23:23
i remember when I was going into a airport waiting area, and a middle aged woman rushed ahead to open the door for a middle aged man (presumably her husband).
And the time in Prague when a man got up to give a woman a seat.
Posted by g — 28 Jan 2007, 23:46
I do this all the time. I'll even intentionally stand a little closer to the elevator door to ensure that a lone female will pause, so I can "ladies first" them with a look on my face as if to say "Of course you're going first, how could it be any different??"
Tonight I did it to my cute little Seiko-chan as we were returning a couple of DVDs. I've gone out with her for like 14 months so it was actual gentlemanly behavior, not just trying to score some pussy. The elevator was otherwise loaded with mostly young Japanese couples, and doing this in front of all of them was total gravy since it enabled me to be a dick by being nice!
Posted by ChadTheAssholeExpat — 04 Feb 2007, 23:12