Firefly in Japan

Recently, I made a post called "The worst language mistake in history". This was a really great post for a few reasons. One, it was very highly ranked on www.reddit.com, two, it brought YourJapan lots of new visitors and a couple of new contributors, and three, a whole bunch of people wrote in, or left comments sharing their embarrassing language mistake stories. Here is a collection of the funniest stories for you. I hope you enjoy them. If you have any more, please post them in comments.

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Back in the seventies, Mike Walsh on his TV show broadcast around Australia said to a young Frenchwoman the only French he knew which was from a song popular at the time, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" The woman looked quite startled as he had just asked her if she wanted to sleep with him that night.

Posted by Mike Lewis 09 Jan 2007, 15:37

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There is another funny Japanese mistake that is easy to make. In Japan it is common for rain to begin in the evening, a phenomenon known as "yuu-dachi" (yuu = evening, dachi = stand up or start).

From this one might well think you could replace the Japanese word for evening "yuu" with the word for morning "asa" to describe a scenario where rain begins in the morning.

So one time I was on my way to my junior high school job in Saitama Prefecture and it suddenly started raining heavily. I had to go back and get my rain gear or I'd be soaked by the time I got there, but this unfortunately made me a few minutes late.

Now in Japan it is customary when entering the office, or in this case the teacher's room, to say, "Osoku natte sumimasen" ("Sorry for being late") upon entering, loud enough for everyone to hear, and then briefly explain the reason.

So I rush into the teacher's room, while stripping off my rain gear. All eye are on me as I bellow, "Osoku natte sumimasen!" and see everyone really appreciate that I knew the correct Japanese for that situation. Their encouraging looks embolden me, so I go ahead and explain the reason: "Ookii asa-dachi ga arimashita node..." but I can't finish the sentence because first some students who were about, and then all the staff, suddenly burst into uproarious laughter. I can't figure out why they're laughing, so I laugh with them and go sit down at my desk.

Later as I'm on my way to class some students see me in the hall and say, "Sensei! Biiiiig penis!! ...Do you asa-dachi???" And I start to get the frist inkling I said something really embarrassing. I soon found out what "Ookii asa-dachi ga arimashita node" means. It means, "I'm late because I had giant morning wood"!

The students, especially, never let me live that down, and I had to fend off kids trying to grab my cock for the rest of the year.

Posted by Amanojack(Get Girls) 09 Jan 2007, 16:14

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At a party in my small apartment, my friends over for dinner commented on how quiet the place was. The lady in the apartment above had unfortunatly suffered a brain hemmorrhage some time back and the apartment was empty. Not knowing the medical terminology in Japanese, I tried to explain her condition by explaining that the blood vessel in her head had expanded putting pressure on her brain. Their eyes widened considerably with looks of incredulity as I explained. Blood = ketsu; Pipe = kan; Blood vessel = Blood Pipe = Kekkan; the word I used translates as roughly "Ass Pipe" (ketsukan); They were visibly relieved to finally understand the situation...

Posted by Captain Bogus 09 Jan 2007, 19:37

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First time I set a foot in Germany, I was invited to a restaurant with many people. I was sitting next to a young german girl who spoke excellent english. At some point she asked kindly: "do you speak german?". I wanted to say: "Not well, but I will try with you". Only thing is: I did not know the word for "try". Being bold and all, I used an old trick to create vocabulary when you don't have it: germanize the english word. So "try" became "treiben", and I promptly told her: "Nein, aber mit Dir werde ich treiben".

There was a pause in all conversations at that point, and any german-speaker around erupted with laughter immediately afterwards. I blushed beyond anything you can possibly imagine but nobody would translate what I just said.

It took me years to find out, because every time I told the story to someone they would start laughing uncontrollably and refuse to translate. Until I found a dear soul who told me "treiben" is the most vulgar way of saying you want to have sex. Which basically translates my efforts to: "Not well, but I will do you". Not the nicest thing to say (in public) to a girl you first met 15 minutes ago.

Posted by Nicolas 09 Jan 2007, 19:45

A friend of mine has lived in Japan for several years. First time his mother comes around, he introduces her to his Japanese friends: "dear friends, this is my mother Diana", and sees them trying to get a grip on themselves to avoid laughing in her face. Apparently, "Dai-Ana" means "large orifice" in japanese. News about Lady Diana must have been fun to read!

Story by Nicolas

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I went to quebec and asked for a "large poutine",. However , im do not speak french very well so I was to this overly large women at the restaurant, "grand pootin". She gave me a blank stare and did not take my order. According to my french teacher that is "Big lesbian"

Story by Hodgie

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An aquaintance was asked what he wanted for lunch while in germany. What he tried to order was a small bucket of fried chicken [huhn], but actually ordered a bucket of fried puppies! [hunchen]

Story by Osmanthus